Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if Iโm going to finger someoneโs ass, itโs not going to be my own.
Randomize
