just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
