New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
third nipple confirmed
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
