Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
