But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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