I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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