You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
