I think my fart just growled at me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
