After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
