Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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