If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
