Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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