Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
