I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
