I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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