This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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