oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
