I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You pole danced in your parka.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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