just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
