he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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