So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
