You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize