I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm passing your future prison.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
