If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
