The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
