College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
