mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i believe in u and ur pee
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