Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
