Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
