She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Randomize
