Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Two words: nipple clamps
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