ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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