you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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