Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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