you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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