dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
