i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
