If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
