Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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