Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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