Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
