she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
