He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
