problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
