If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
