He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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