after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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