you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
this hospital has no fireball
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
