I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
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