I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Damn victory sex feels great
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
