PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
