wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
