Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
