but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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