just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
