break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
