Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
