she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
