Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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