Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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