This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
