I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
