at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
