Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
