New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
