He had one of those small greek statue penises
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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