You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
