I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
