You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
