There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
