Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
