i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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