I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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