Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
