Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
