I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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